[Texas Chainsaw 3D]
Synopsis:A young woman (Daddario), travels to Texas to collect an inheritance; little does she know that an encounter with a chainsaw-wielding killer is part of the reward.

Cast:Bill Moseley, Trey Songz, Alexandra Daddario, Sue Rock, Tania Raymonde, Scott Eastwood, Paul Rae, Keram Malicki-Sanchez, Ritchie Montgomery, Marilyn Burns, Thom Barry, Shaun Sipos, Richard Riehler, Dan Yeager, John Dugan, Gunnar Hansen.

My Thoughts:Terrible!

Review:It's been half a decade since genre fans have seen their favorite chainsaw-wielding psycho, Leatherface grace the big screen. The last time he was in action, was "Texas Chainsaw:The Beginning". Back in 2006. A by the numbers installment of the franchise, that had the usual stuff you'd expect from a "Texas Chainsaw" sequel. Lots of screaming, blood and gore, a pissed off Sheriff Hoyt, and Leatherface putting in some "work" at the end to make sure no one lives to tell the tale. "Texas Chainsaw 3D", was supposed to be a rebirth of the franchise. Instead, it is actually a step backwards for the franchise.

Set in the current era, this sequel follows a young girl named Heather Miller (Daddario). She's the films "lead hottie". She has a group of generic, typical slasher movie friends. In the "hot girl", (Raymonde), the comic relief/nice guy (Sanchez), and her model-esque looking boyfriend, played by Hip-Hop/RnB'er Trey Songz. Like I told ya, generic. But what isn't generic is the relationship between these four. More on that later. Heather's life gets "interesting", when she receives a letter informing her that she's "inherited" some property. In a little town in Texas. This property holds a secret, in the form of Leatherface. Who has a connection to Heather.

But what is the connection? So this movie tries to add some more story to the Leatherface mythology. Which was already established in "TCM:The Beginning". But for some reason, the writers decide to keep building on it. Apparently, following the events of Hooper's "Texas Chain Saw Massacre". Leatherface was housed by the Sawyer family, who protected him from the cops. Didn't work though. And not only did the cops find out, but so did the local "redneck justice league". Who decide to provide back up for the local sheriff when he pays the Sawyer's a visit at the beginning of the film. Things however spin out of control, and soon a shootout occurs. The Sawyer family mostly get smoked, and the ones who don't are killed by a fire the local "RJL" starts. The only survivor? Leatherface...and a baby.

Who some locals steal from one of the surviving female Sawyer's. This baby ends up being Heather all grown up. Of course she has no clue about her "old" family. Until, she receives the letter from the Sawyer family lawyer. She doesn't take the news well, but decides to head down there anyway. This of course turns out to be a big mistake, as Leatherface is of course, "waiting". This film starts out well and good enough and all. For example, the writers do a good job of swerving the audience with a hitchhiker the group of friends pick up on their way to Texas. This sets up as a nasty suicide moment, or the Hitchhiker being one of the local crazy kinfolk. There is a..."story" to the hitchhiker, but I won't spoil it here.

So you're probably wondering when this film gets to the good stuff? The bloody chainsaw killings and all. Well, it eventually does. But the problem is there aren't that many of them. And the ones that there are, don't carry much impact. Nothing like previous films which went all out on the hacking, slashing, and thrashing. This ones seems to shy away from being too..."blunt". And it's a shame because isn't this what 3D is for? I thought 3D was an excuse to throw as much blood and guts at the screen as possible. After all, "Friday The 13th Part 3" did it many years ago. But now it seems that today's 3D films, are content with one or two scenes with some object flying at the screen. And for a $16 dollar ticket, we deserve better.
At least I think so. On the subject of Heather and her friends though. When you look at this group, you almost pine for Erin, Pepper, and the gang from the 2003 remake. At least you knew the body count there was gonna be high. These kids though are 4 people strong! Can you imagine a teen slasher movie with just four characters? Well, this one has just four teens! Which makes you know, you aren't getting a high body count here. And at that point, you wonder what's the point in watching? So once in town, the kids head off to the local store to get some supplies and stuff. Which is nothing but booze and steaks. Really. But, this is where we get some background on Heather's alleged "friends". So Sanchez's character Kenny, is the nice guy. Whos got a thing for Heather's best friend Nikki.

Played by Tania Raymonde. Just one, small problem. Nikki, is banging Heather's boyfriend Ryan, played by Trey Songz. Well, not "banging" but...we learn that they were "together", at some point behind Heather's back. This "relationship" however is setting us up for something that occurs in the films conclusion. Which I will get to later. See...there's a reason why this movie makes all of Heather's friends either inconsequential, or total douchebags and sluts and stuff. Don't worry, it's coming. So anyways, Nikki and Ryan are even dumb enough to "rekindle" their "flame" when they arrive to Heather's family's house in Texas. Later on that night, while Heather is doing some exploring. Gotta love these two eh? But again, there's a reason for this "character sliming".

So how about Leatherface? Well, in this movie. He kind of reminds you more of One-Eye from "Wrong Turn". Just with a chainsaw instead of a knife. He's pretty agile for a scarred up chubby guy. A trait he shows when Kenny runs into him early in the game. But the director has tried to humanize the character in this film. And I am not so sure that works. Leatherface isn't The Toothfairy from ''Darkness Falls". He isn't some innocent who was at the wrong place at the wrong time. He killed a bunch of innocent people. And then his "family" tried to hide him away from being brought to justice. Based on some misguided "family bond". So all of a sudden, because his family got burned up by the "RJL" crew...we should feel sorry for him?

Or should we feel sorry for him because he's "alone"? And "scarred"? And hated by the entire town? Well...he is like, ya know....a murderer? Or have we forgotten that in the confusion of the teenagers arriving in town? This film tries to flip the script by telling a story of "an eye for an eye", and making the vigilantes the bad guys. And Leatherface the misunderstood big, overgrown chainsaw wielding baby. That doesn't work. Especially when this is film number seven in the franchise. And it's not a very good movie either. We get one really hardcore violent scene involving Kenny, and Heather watching Leatherface carve him up. But after that, it's some chase sequences involving a van, and the local carnival. Now that carnival scene was some good stuff. But unfortunately, the only bright spot this movie has. And it doesn't last long enough to validate an otherwise weak slasher movie. With an even weaker script.

The films finale delivers some blood and gore, and an EXTREMELY TWISTED ENDING! Which is only matched by how stupid, ludicrous, and stupidly-written it is. The ending suggests to the viewer the reason why the film spent so much energy making Heather's friends look like total slimeballs. But that still doesn't make the ending work, because what we know is NOT...what Heather knows. And so when the movies final scene plays out, I just hung my head in pity at this supposed, clever 'twist'. If you like this franchise just because you have a man-crush on Leatherface, then you'll probably see past how poorly laid out this movie is.

To grow to like it. Me? I thought this film had a shot at being a great return of the franchise. But the script just gets worse with each scene. And by act 3, I really just wanted to go home early. An emotion which I should "not", be feeling during a movie where a guy runs around killing people with a chainsaw. This attempt at turning Leatherface into a Jason Voorhees'esque anti-hero was laughable. And they also forgot the golden rule. Anti-hero'ism has to be established in movie number #1, not any installments beyond #3!!

THE GOOD:The first 15 26 to 30 minutes of our journey shows potential. Too bad it's squandered early and often after that point. I loved the carnival chase scene, and the chainsaw toss that occured during. Kenny's death was sweet!

THE BAD:The script for all intents and purposes tries to be too smart for its own good. And the, the attempt to be smart is ruined by plotholes and other unnatural production disasters. Also the cliche storyline of making the "small town posse" and their brand of "justice" out to be evil and not right, is really stupid when some nut with a chainsaw just butchered some innocent kids. No audience is stupid enough to buy Leatherface as "the victim". The final scene is so retarded you can't help but laugh at how absurd it was.

OVERALL:One star out of four.

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