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WEIRD WORLD:DEATH ... AND MOURNING "FAUX" THE LOVED ONES


This world seems to get stranger, and weirder by the day. Proof of that, lies in a recent business which started up over in the UK's Braintree, Essex, region. Called Rent-A-Mourner. Yes, this is exactly what it sounds like. Now, when you are having a funeral for a loved one. But it turns out that, you were the only one who loved him or her. Or they. And no one else really did. Or, simply can't be bothered with the trivial task of actually attending a funeral in the flesh. You can now hire someone. Or a group of people. To come in, and pretend. To mourn the loss of your loved one! Someone who they didn't know from a hole in the wall. But screw that, we're being paid to pretend we did. So...let the waterworks begin! So just how popular would a business that caters to this particular...clientel, or audience...be? Well it appears to be quite popular actually. The people in China and The Middle East already cater to such requests. I guess perhaps because the Chinese aren't all touchy feely, are more dignified...and don't like to show too much emotion in public. While in the Middle East. Most people have large families and aren't in need of such services. But in the case of a deceased Jihadist...I'm pretty sure this comes in handy for those all important photo ops that say...See? Mr. whatsisname who blew up that shopping mall wasn't so bad after all!

The UK arm of this industry, is run by one Ian Robertson. And while it may seem creepy, disturbing, and just plain weird. Our faux fawners...don't attend these services unprepared my friends. As Robertson tells TelegraphUK..."Our staff will meet with the client beforehand and agree 'the story', so our staff will either have known the deceased professionally or socially. They will be informed of the deceased's background, achievements, failures etc. so they can converse with other mourners with confidence." Well thank god for that! Because showing up to a funeral as an uninformed- fake mourner could be... veryawkward. Kind of like how a husband coming home 5 hours late to his wife reeaking of rum and perfume would be. Always gotta have your bases covered! Otherwise, you'd look foolish! Robertson also adds..."It is growing in the UK - our bookings are up 50 per cent year on year." Interesting...although I wonder just how many of these funerals are actually real? I mean, the fake funeral thing has been done before. So why not hire fake mourners to really meet the punchline ya know? And I can think of a few not-so-popular celebrities and politicians who will probably need this service should they leave us anytime soon. That is, of course...if this service were to ever get franchised here in the states.



But...in a pinch, you might wanna leave room for those people who simply...out-live all of their friends. Or are majorly disliked? Hated? Or despised? I mean...what are they to do? What if you live to be 110 years old and all of your friends croaked at 70 or 80? Or what if you live in a small town and everyone hates your guts? Including the funeral home people? And the only person left alive, or who even remotely gave a crap about you was - maybe your child or home attendant? Or lawyer? Do you hire fake mourners just to be able to rent the funeral home for a proper send off? Most funeral homes will be iffy about renting out for a wake if the crowd of mourners isn't big enough. Those wakes take a pretty decent amount of prep. And to do all of that for one person in attendance, hmmm...maybe fake mourners are useful after all? Then again, you could always just pay some local hobos, or vagrants a ten spot and some free alcohol to show up to the proceedings. Of course...they'd have to clean up first. Because, you know...it's a funeral after all.


But if that wasn't, harsh enough for you. It's now time to get a little darker. And when I say dark, I mean..."dark". In Australia, a man named Gary George, murdered another man named Andrew Nall. Well, murdered. Might be too lite...a word in this case. Eviscerated...is a better fit. Mr. George (41), was allegedly deep into witchcraft and horror movies. And when committing his horrible crime, he inflicted 49 knife wounds, which included a large one into Mr. Nall's (53) stomach. That wound had salt poured into it. Mr Nall also had cleaning fluid poured into his eyes while he was still alive! In the end, he was left in a bloody heap on the floor of his own apartment. However, at sentencing...Gary was only given 30 years minimum. Which means by the time he's up for possible parole, he'll be 71. Still a threat no doubt. I think he would've gotten more time in America to be honest. But we should all be happy this crime didn't happen in America. Here in the U.S. with our discussions about media violence. This case would've been used as a trump card by both political parties, and advocates on both sides.


Especially considering Gary in the case, was obsessed with a movie called "The Loved Ones". Which was an Australian slasher flick released a few years ago in Australia. But only arrived in the states I believe in 2011. That film featured a young man who turns down a local girls invite to the prom. Which later proves to be a fatal mistake. She kidnaps him with some help, and then proceeds to hold him hostage at her place. All the while, she psychologially and physically tortures the boy. As part of her own little...private prom party. George was apparently an obsessed fan of the film. And use it as a template basis for his dismemberment of Mr. Nall. Now just flip this whole incident to "The Loved Ones" being an American horror film. Starring Dakota Fanning or something. And being a recent release. There'd be an uproar from all sides. And none of the criticism would be fair, because the shouting matches of who's to blame would be all that would be heard in the end. Still, it's sad that media and film mediums, suffer for the actions of one or two deranged people or criminals. Almost as sad as it is that there are still people who pattern their real life killings after horror movie characters. I mean, how lame is that really?



You're willing to spend a lifetime in prison. In Mr. George's case, 30 years (I certainly don't think that's enough)...because you became so taken with a film that you simply had to act out the horrific acts on screen on some real life, innocent person? And by the way, as a person who has seen and Reviewed "The Loved Ones"...I don't remember a witchcraft or satanic sacrifice subplot to that movie. I think the films femme fatale Lola, was just pissed that the movies leading male wouldn't go to the prom with her. Just for arguments sake. To make this whole ordeal even stranger, a woman named Christine Holleran (50), was apparently present when Mr. Nall was brutally killed. Yet she was cleared of any accomplice charges. Although what exactly the heck she was doing there remains a mystery. Meanwhile Wacko-Gary George went on to broken-bottle-slash another man 10 hours later after the fact. That is...after he murdered Andrew. So if anyone was suspicious of whether or not Gary felt any guilt or remorse after his evil deed, well....I guess now, you have your answer. Me? I'm just glad this one is on the Aussies and not us. Nothing against Aussies, love you guys and all but....here in America, a nasty incident like this might've put the big chill on the horror genre for a long while. If not forever. And in this day and age of remakes, and PG-13 tween horror...that's...the last thing we need.


Article by Mr.HoRrOr















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